The SOMA Method

Yoga vs. SOMA

“The Yoga Alternative for The Digital Age”

Not to be confused with Yoga which originated in India 5,000 or more years ago, Soma was invented in a pub... on a barstool. No one remembers when or where.

While yoga techniques have evolved over the centuries and are used for controlling the body and mind allowing for deep meditation leading to an expansion of consciousness, Soma doesn’t pretend to do any of that. Soma, also known as “Sittin’ On Me Arse”, is the rigorous training of barflys, video gamers, TV junkies and spectator sportsman.

The techniques of SOMA have been carefully engineered to train the practitioner to sit for hours, days or months without a break. Most of the time, the training takes place at home in front of a SOMA shrine which generally is a screen attached to the internet or cable box.

True SOMA practitioners are very serious about this discipline and can be seen practicing in coffee shops, at bus stops and even in parks. Many have even enhanced their practice outside of their home by bringing small portable SOMA shrines into public.

They are often seen massaging the shrine with their thumbs and don’t stop staring at the shrine except to occasionally speak to it. One can only assume this is some kind of SOMA prayer.

Book cover: The SOMA Method — The Yoga Alternative for The Digital Age

Yoga versus SOMA — Crane Pose: on the right, a man tipping the last chip crumbs from a bag into his mouth. — Crane Pose

Yoga versus SOMA — Mountain Pose: on the right, a man reclining on a couch balancing a soda can on a laptop tray. — Mountain Pose

Yoga versus SOMA — Table Pose: on the right, a man sitting at an empty dinner table gripping a knife and fork. — Table Pose

Yoga versus SOMA — Tip Toe Pose: on the right, a man tip-toeing to serve his partner a plate of muffins. — Tip Toe Pose

Yoga versus SOMA — Happy Baby Pose: on the right, a man delighted while cradling a new "uPHONE 21" box. — Happy Baby Pose

Yoga versus SOMA — Wind Relieving Pose: on the right, a man passing gas in an armchair. — Wind Relieving Pose

Yoga versus SOMA — Reclined Hero Pose: on the right, a man asleep in a recliner surrounded by snack wrappers. — Reclined Hero Pose

Yoga versus SOMA — Crescent Lunge: on the right, a man tearfully lunging for the last croissant on a plate. — Crescent Lunge

Yoga versus SOMA — Scale Pose: on the right, a man crying as he steps on a bathroom scale. — Scale Pose

Yoga versus SOMA — Sleeping Swan: on the right, a man dozing in a swan pool float, drink in hand. — Sleeping Swan

Yoga versus SOMA — Split: on the right, a man who has split the seat of his trousers. — Split

Yoga versus SOMA — One Handed Thunderbolt Pose: on the right, a man taking a selfie as the phone flash zaps him. — One Handed Thunderbolt Pose

Yoga versus SOMA — Pigeon (Tweet) Pose: on the right, a man walking while thumbing out "tweet tweet" on his phone. — Pigeon (Tweet) Pose

Yoga versus SOMA — Post Pose ½ Hero: on the right, a man throwing his arms up cheering at a Fantasy Football screen. — Post Pose ½ Hero

Yoga versus SOMA — Frog Pose: on the right, a man hunched at a TV playing the arcade game Frogger. — Frog Pose

Yoga versus SOMA — Figure 4 Pose: on the right, a man checking in to "4Square" on his phone. — Figure 4 Pose

Yoga versus SOMA — Fire Log Pose: on the right, a man roasting a marshmallow over a campfire. — Fire Log Pose

Yoga versus SOMA — Lord of the Flies: on the right, two men toasting beers on a boat over a fish finder. — Lord of the Flies

Yoga versus SOMA — Yoga Wheel Pose: on the right, a man hunched over a controller playing a driving video game. — Yoga Wheel Pose

SOMA — The Yoga Alternative for The Digital Age. A parody of the evolution-of-man sequence ending with a person slouched in an armchair hunched over a laptop.