The Collection
45 strips of well-meaning chaos, one panel at a time.
Exerbit Drive Through
2015"Jack, your Exerbit device has detected this order will massively exceed your daily allowance of Sugar, Fat, Salt & Calories - the device will now lock down all electronic payment methods to prevent purchase. To further support your health goals, this device will disable your vehicle. I am now calculating a suitable jogging route for you to return home... Have a Nice Day." — "I knew I shouldn’t have let Jeannie set this thing up!"
Exer-fit Wrist Band
2014"Jack, I am really impressed with the FaceBook posts from your exer-fit wrist band. It looks like you have been moving a lot more lately." — "Yup, that exer-fit is a real motivator! ... 8,000 steps!" (The dog wearing the tracker is doing all the running.)
A Buddhist Dog? That’s Just Weird
2017"I got a bad report from the cardiologist and now Jeannie is making me AND the dog go Vegan for a month." — "You AND the dog?" ... "She thinks that going vegan will make me healthier." — "Right, everybody knows that, but why the dog?" ... "Actually, it was his decision, he says he is doing it for ethical reasons and he read that the oldest living dog is a vegan and... I think he is considering Buddhism." — "...a Buddhist dog, that’s just weird."
I’m Doomed
2017"Jack, for the next 30 days, this entire household is going vegan!" — "Now wait Jeannie - that’s not fair to me or Rufus - You can’t expect the DOG to go vegan!" ... "Actually, Jack, I have evolved to the point where I no longer believe other creatures must suffer for me to survive." ... "...besides, I was chewing an old copy of the Guiness World book of records and I noticed the oldest dog record holder was a vegan and lived to 189 in dog years. So, I figure it’s worth considering." — "I’m doomed."
The NAKED Diet
2017"Jack, why aren’t you wearing any clothes?" — "I thought you said we were gonna eat NAKED tonight? Now that we are empty nesters, we can do that sort of thing!" ... "No, Jack - that’s not what I meant. “Naked” stands for New, Authentic, Kind & Enlightened Diet. It’s from this magazine." — "So... you want me to get dressed?" ... "Jack" — "OK, but, just so you know, I’m going on a commando diet. I’m NOT gunna wear underwear."
What Could That Dog Be Meditating About?
2017"Jeannie, where is Rufus? I need him to fetch the paper from the end of the driveway." — "Don’t bother him, he’s in the hall meditating. He has a new Tibetan Terrier friend that is teaching him." ... "Are you kidding me? Look at him... He’s just lying around." — "Jack, leave him alone he is working on his personal development - It wouldn’t hurt you to get your own paper. Think of it as part of your personal development." ... "This is ridiculous, what could that dog possibly be meditating about." (Rufus: "May you be well, may you be happy, may you be healthy, may you..." while dreaming of the cat.)
Clear the Counter... Except for the Fruit
2015Will changing what’s sitting out suddenly make you slim? Probably not substantially, but it’s what the scale would suggest — Any Fruit −7 lbs, Cookies +9 lbs, Crackers or Chips +8 lbs, Breakfast Cereal +21 lbs, Diet Fizz +24 lbs, Fizz Cola +29 lbs. (Adapted from the book Slim by Design by Dr. Brian Wansink.)
Upscale
2015"I am NOT overweight... I’m upscale."